Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

Last night I watched a film widely regarded as one of the worst films ever made, and I have one statement to make. It was one of the worst films ever made. I feel I could sit and write a five thousand word essay picking every little fault in that film.

BTW IT'S CALLED 'I KNOW WHO KILLED ME'
I totally didn't write that in :D

On the IMDb board it has sparked an on-going argument about 'what it means' and 'what the director wanted to say' which is so strange considering how terrible this film is.

The film is about Aubrey Fleming, a bright young star pianist and writer who is kidnapped after the college football game and not seen for 17 days. After the 17 days, a girl is found in a ditch and taken into hospital and it is Aubrey but she claims her name is Dakota Moss and she is the daughter of a crack addicted mother. She has all the same injuries as they expect Aubrey to have, as the killings are serial (with 1 other murder, real serial that is), its just assumed the murdered failed to kill Aubrey properly.

First, the story. It is utterly ridiculous. It feels like it was written by an intelligent 10 year old. Everything about this film is TRYING to mean something, I feel it is not accident that the intelligent girl is Fleming and the slut is Moss. (Alexander and Kate respectively?). The town it takes place in is Little Salem (Stephen King nod, much?). But it's isn't childishly thematic as the direction. It has the odd bit of narration, the odd attempt at snappy Tarantino-esque dialogue, but it has plot points that are rendered completely inept by the twist. I really really want to spoil this film, because lets be honest, no-one is EVER going to see it unless they are held down and forced to watch it until they shit themselves.

Ok, SPOILERS, SPOILERS, SPOILERS.
The twist of the film is that the real Aubrey died in complications after the birth but the father couldn't live with it so BOUGHT A CHILD off a crack addict down the hall. Thus Aubrey and Dakota are twins. They then develop Twin Stigmata, a rare and completely made-for-the-sake-of-the-movie condition in which a twin, no matter where they are, will suffer the same injuries as her identical twin. To much use of the word twin.
Here are some things that don't add up. DAKOTA MOSS' LEGS JUST FALL OFF. YOU'D FUCKING FREAK OUT. Sorry, but if you're a stripper/whore who's mother is a crack head, doesn't mean you have a natural ability to ignore the fact your legs and arms are falling off, AND SURVIVE IT. This happens because Aubrey is being tortured and having her arms cut off by a psycho so it's happening to Dakota out of the blue. Dakota is asked in hospital by the police who did it too her and you'd say 'THEY JUST FELL OFF, IT'S PROPER SICK' rather than trying to be witty and outsmart the police by refusing to give information.
Secondly, there is a section where Dakota actually gives over information about the killer, that he was wearing blue gloves because she'd seen him before he took her, but then he actually took Aubrey, but....THEY DON'T LIVE IN THE SAME TOWN. So while the killer is in Little Salem stalking Aubrey, he also happens to be stalking her twin half-way across the country in a strip club.
Little Lindsay Lohan is appalling in this film, she also managed to get done for DUI after is was made so can't promote it and apparently blames that on the reason it flopped. That and the fact its SHIT. There is a part at the end where 'she knows who's killed' her because she sees a piano prize in the first victims house as well as in Aubrey's thus knowing it was the piano teacher. Cos the police wouldn't have checked that out when inquiring about the victims lives. 'Oh they both play piano and have the same teacher? He lives in the creepy house on the edge of town and is a loner? We'll completely ignore that then'. When driving to the piano teachers house, Aubrey's father/buyer states 'we don't have time to tell anyone where we're going' and ends up dead. PROBLEM IS, we live in the age of MOBILE TECHNOLOGY. Dakota is sitting in the car doing nothing with her hands when she could be on a mobile informing the police!

I'll go back to flaws in a bit, but not after I slate the director.

This guy loves themes. So much that he destroyed his film with them. He has done with the colour blue what Hitler did to swastikas. Basically, due to the 'twin' nature of the film, EVERY SHOT with Aubrey in has her wearing blue, in a blue room, looking at blue things with her blue eyes, and EVERY SHOT of Dakota has her wearing red, in a red room, eating a red hotdog covered in red sauce with her red albino eyes. The childhood photos are almost identical apart from the blue and red bikinis. There is even a part in the film where a stranger on the bus sits and looks at Dakota's heavily bleeding hand and tells her to hold it higher than her heart, and then randomly appears in a vision and says 'There are two sides to everything. Love/hate etc'. He seems to have magically been transformed from a wierdo on a bus into her guardian angel. fucking stupid stupid stupid film.
There is also the theme of mirrors, again with the twin thing. There are at least 20-25 shots in the film which are shots of a person's reflection doing the talking, or people sitting staring into mirrors, in blue/red rooms.
Every theme is completely overused, like there are literally thousands of objects that are the same shade of blue, and the director must have been standing in all this seas of blue rooms and thinking 'Yeah, not too much blue at all. In fact, not enough, let's dress her in blue as well!'
My favourite theme is this. Owls! The college football team that plays on the night of Aubreys kidnapping are the owls. The first victim of the single-serial killer has a stencil of an owl on her trophy shelf. There are toy owls and even owl graffiti on the bus stop outside Dakotas strip club (which im sure the writer hadn't decided where it is yet). The reason? When the piano teacher psycho finally decides to bury Aubrey's body, THERE IS AN OWL IN THE TREE.
So fucking fantastic.

This film isn't even so bad it's good, but it is so bad it's a talking point. Like I said it has sparked so much discussion about what is going on, that the director must be thinking 'I'm a genius' (This guy has also made a documentary about Tobe Hooper's Toolbox Murders, and another dodgy slasher and that's about it). He also must be raking in the cash from rentals and £1 bargain bin purchases, because so many people seem to have seen this either to see how bad it is, or just to see Lindsay Lohan pole-dancing, as she is so unbelievably hot in this film.

I don't know if I've said enough, I feel I will come back and write more as I do quite fancy watching the film again. I can't tell you to watch it because I've ruined it for you, but what I can do is say that if it's a quid, buy it, because it's worth it.

Here's some fantastically thematic moments from the film:

Aubrey in Blue, on a blue bench holding a blue pen.


Dakota in red, in her red strip club


Note how clever that is.

I'll be back to write more, I hope.