Dear Charlton Heston,

I know you are a dead, but you made some banging movies, and you even went a bit mad and shot at people, but I can forgive you for that. What I cannot forgive you for is Soylent Green.

Soylent Green is a 1973 sci-fi movie about a dsytopian future in which the population has grown out of control. Vegetables and meat are rare, and the people are fed on rations of wafers made of vegetable extracts by the Soylent Company. They release new Soylent Green, made from the last remnants of life in the sea, the plankton.

Charlton Heston gives another good turn as Robert Thorn, a fantastically classic tragic hero (that's a spoiler to anyone who studied english at any level), but the film is lacking one major thing. A plot.

Thorn is a NYPD detective, assigned to a murder case which he believes is an assasination covered up as burglary gone bad. He, along with his 'book' (the 2020 term for intelligent person), begin to uncover a deep mystery behind the senator's connection with the murder. Soon the case is closed but Thorn is unsatisfied and continues to investigateon his own time. All the while he meets plenty beautiful women, who have become so scarce they are all prostitutes that belong in certain houses, giving them the delightfully nickname: "furniture".

If you've ever seen my t-shirt with all the spoilers on, you'll probably have read what happens in the end. Also if you've ever seen anything with 'top 100 movies quotes', or 'top 100 sci-fi movies' you'll know the end. Otherwise, the film is so boring and pointless it's not really worth watching to find out, just go read my t-shirt.

There is a particularly poignant scene in which Roth succumbs to euthanasia (known as going home) but it sharp turns into Charlton Heston punching people, the only thing that actually seems to happen in this movie. Outside of it's one memorable line, it is a bland attempt at science fiction cinema. 2001:A Space Odyssey was 5 years earlier, so this film has no excuse for it's shoddy attempts at futuristic scenery and technology.

Don't bother watching this, just wait until its on Channel 4's 'Top Something-or-other' and see the best bits.